the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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