yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
