today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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