fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize