My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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