Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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