Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
