her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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