This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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