I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
