he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
