Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
