i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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