dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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