I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
