have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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