My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
