he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
