Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
