your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
