He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
