Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is Oprah even human
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
