Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
