:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
