guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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