i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
