the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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