she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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