we have pet lesbian snakes
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dick very happy bro
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