Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
