wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
