After last night, I could never be a politician.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
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It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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