my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
