Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
