They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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