Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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