I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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