dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Randomize