Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
