Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Randomize
