Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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