who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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