I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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