he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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