He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
