You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
