hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize