you win again, gameday.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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