Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize