i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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