I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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