She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
