The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
