Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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