Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
