Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
