Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize