Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
