He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
