I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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