The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize