He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
