Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
