You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
