I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
