i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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