I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
