The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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