I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Drunk walkin through police station. America
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize
